


Would You Like Me To Be?

by PrincessSkylar



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Hospital AU - Peter is a doctor, M/M, Wade is dying, but it's cheerful I swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-21 00:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2448833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessSkylar/pseuds/PrincessSkylar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade's meeting his new doctor and he asks a very inappropriate question.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Would You Like Me To Be?

**Author's Note:**

> My cousin was texting me during a recent trip to the hospital, and it inspired a little fic. Bolded words are Logic/White Box, Italicized are Screwball/Yellow Box.  
> Sidenote to those who have already read this: There are a few minor changes from the version on DA and Drive.

 

“Would you like me to be?” As soon as the words leave his mouth, Wade regrets it. What the hell was he thinking?!

_We’re thinking he’s a sweet piece of ass._

**Wait, backtrack. You have to tell the story from the beginning.**

_Aw, you’re no fun._

“Right.”

Wade Wilson has been regularly visiting hospitals his whole life. Recently, he moved to MidTown, and had been seeing Doctor Pym at Stark Hospital. Last week, Pym had been transferred, and today, Wade was meeting his new doctor for the first time.

He checked himself in early that morning, having had a horrible pain-ridden sleep the night before. One of the nurses whom he had developed somewhat of a friendship with had told him his new doctor’s name was Parker, and that he was the youngest member on staff, as well as the newest.

Wade waited patiently--

_Haha, no we didn’t._

**We were practically jumping off of the walls.**

Wade waited _impatiently_ until he heard his name called.

Now, Wade was no genius- not even close -, but he was pretty sure you had to at least be in your thirties to be an official doctor. The guy his nurse led him to couldn’t have been more than twenty years old, which made him feel like a pedophile for instantly thinking, “Man, I wanna fuck that.”

Wade perched himself on the edge of the ugly little hospital bed as Doctor Parker fumbled around with a few paper, watching intently. Soon, Parker was asking questions. What brings you here? Drugs so the cancer can kill me painlessly. What are your recent symptoms? Et cetera, et cetera, blah blah blah.

“Are you sexually active?”

“Would you like me to be?”

**And that catches you up to speed.**

Parker freezes for a moment, his face turning an incredible shade of red. “What?!” he splutters in what Wade pointedly noticed is a very unprofessional manner.

Wade almost snickers at his response, but he manages to compose himself with a playful smirk. “No, Doctor Parker, I am not currently very sexually active. Chicks and studs don’t dig the scars.” Peter clears his throat and looks down at his clipboard, ready to ask the next question before Wade interrupts, “How old are you, doc?”

Parker sighs. “Peter,” he answers shortly. “Now, do yo--”

“How old are you?” Wade presses.

“Twenty-seven,” the doctor answers quickly. He’s starting to look nervous. “Wade, I’m not really supposed to--”

“And you’re already a doctor?!”

Peter’s blush appears darker and he frowns irritably. “Yes, I’m a bit ahead of the world. If we could finish--”

“Trying to get rid of me already?” Wade tsks and shakes his head. “You have terrible bedside manner.”

Peter lets out a small, disbelieving laugh. “Do you even know what that means?”

“No, but I know that anything that has to do with you, me, and a bed sounds fun.”

Peter gapes, his shocked look a cross between offended and interested. “Mr. Wilson, that’s illegal.”

Wade rolls his eyes, then grins. “You’re not saying no.”

Peter splutters an indignant sound in retort. “I-- no--”

“I’m not as old as I look,” Wade adds, “And I’m not usually this forward-”

**Liar.**

“-And really, I’m not as rude as I seem-”

_Also a lie._

“And as far as the law is concerned, I can get a new doctor.”

Peter tucks his clipboard under his arm and covers his face with both hands, his fingers sliding between his eyelids and his oversized glasses.

_Is that a yes?_

“Quiet, I’m waiting,” Wade whispers back. Louder, he adds, “So…?”

Peter rubs his eyes before lowering his hands. “Wade… We’ve only met. I don--”

Wade waves his hands frantically in the air between them. “Forget it!”

Peter frowns in confusion, as well as slumps in relief.

_Why are we forgetting it..?_

“Let’s start over. All over. But I don’t wanna be your patient,” Wade explains, and Peter starts growing uncomfortable again. “Forget everything I’ve said.” He clears his throat and holds out a scarred hand. “Hi. My name is Wade Wilson.”

Peter regards him for a moment before shaking his head in amusement and chuckling lightly. He takes Wade’s hand. “Peter Parker, M.D.”

 


End file.
